I have realized what a hard time I have when people try to give me gifts and do nice things for me.

A friend and I went to Friendly’s for dinner and she insisted on paying. I was the one who had invited her to dinner and I wanted to pay! I tried to insist on paying. She had driven more than an hour to meet me and has done so much for me this past year both financially and emotionally I feel like I can never thank her enough.

She is a busy mom with three children and both her time and money are very precious to her. Was this dinner going to break either of our bank accounts? Obviously no, but it still bothered me that she paid for dinner it. She wanted to do something nice for me but instead I feel guilty about it which I know is not what she would want.

And this is just a small scale example of receiving.

Why do I have such a tough time with this? Where does it come from?

1) I know I don’t want to be seen as a “taker.”

2) I don’t want to feel indebted to anyone.

3) I want to be fair and generous.

4) I feel like I don’t deserve to receive gifts.

5) I want others to spend their money, time, and effort on themselves.

I know beliefs about money and scarcity and deservability are all wrapped in here somewhere.

I recognize I am a “giver.” I also attract and surround myself with “givers.” A good friend told me I need to remember to allow others to give back and accept those gifts with openness and love.

Yet sometimes I find receiving to be more difficult than giving.

Receiving seems to have been the theme of the week for me. There were SO many examples around me of myself or someone close to me who does NOT want to accept help, money, or gifts.

I have to remind myself that I enjoy giving and to take that away from someone else is depriving them of that happiness too. The giver wants the receiver to feel special and appreciated and to deny them that is unfair.

I hope I can (and those around me can) let go of the guilt and enjoy receiving as much as I / we do giving.

The Black Crowes, my favorite band have a saying of “feeling taller.”

To me, “Feeling Taller” means:

You are in the zone, in the flow…
You know you can do accomplish anything.
You are overflowing with happiness.
You are glowing.

You are fully and authentically YOU.

You are living and playing to your strengths and feeling the love and the goodness all around you.

God is with you, scratch that, God is always with you but when you are “feeling taller” you KNOW and appreciate and feel that God is with you.

When you are feeling taller, you are having fun and your unique brilliance is shining brightly through.

I hope you are “feeling taller” today.

Lynne Twist in The Soul of Money presents three central myths about our cultural beliefs of scarcity and money.

They are:
1) There’s Not Enough.
This is the belief that there is a limited supply and we all must compete with each other to get what we want. This belief creates fear and often “makes” us do things we are not proud of.

With this concept, for you to win someone else must lose or be left out or lacking. Most choices in our society are viewed as win-lose. Like Stephen Covey, I recommend that you think and believe in win-win and that there is enough for everyone.

2) More Is Better
This is so true and prevalent in our American society. It is about keeping up with the Jones’s who are always going after and wanting more, more, more. We believe and act according to “more has to be better.”

There is no winning with this belief. You are never satisfied. You are constantly working towards and thinking about the next thing. So much so, that we do not enjoy the here and now and what we do have. We are not living mindfully with the more is better attitude.

This belief also relates to how we define ourselves, our success or achievement by what we own and our net worth. All too often we think of our self worth as being related to our net worth. They are not necessarily related.

I recommend that my clients stop and think about what is ENOUGH. Do I really need more? What is the cost to me and my time / my life energy to get more? (Do I really need a 6 bedroom house with 6 bathrooms for just me and my husband?)

I think there is a shift occurring with regards to this belief. People are questioning and prioritizing their time and quality of life over accumulating more things that they do not truly need.

3) That’s Just the Way It Is
This is the belief that you cannot make a difference or make a change with your own financial situation or even on the bigger scale economy. You believe you are stuck and go to a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness so you don’t do anything.

Unfortunately, many of us are complacent and lazy and just go with the flow. This belief justifies or rationalizes our behaviors for not taking action or even trying to make a change.

I can hear my mother saying,
“just because everyone else is doing it, doesn’t make it right.”

That’s just the way it is, is “giving up.” You are giving up your power and ability to choose something different.

We can only control what we do and what we decide to make of a situation. There is power in taking action and doing what you think is right. A small stone can have a wide ripple effect.

I challenge you to think about Lynne Twist’s three “Toxic Myths of Scarcity” and notice how prevalent they are for you or for those around you. I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions on them.

I read and love the book, The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist. It is a book I highly recommend that everyone read.

Since I know many people will not read the whole book, I am going to write some posts about what this book says and what I learned from it.

When I read this book I wished I had written it. I would like to write a book about money some day and this book said so much of what I believe to be true.

Lynne Twist has a background with The Hunger Project that gives her a unique perspective of seeing and working with people that have both a lot of money and those with very little. She learned and saw the differences and commonalities of both sides.

You can go directly to Lynne Twist’s site for the book to learn more, http://www.soulofmoney.org/

Lynne Twist said (and I completely agree) that
“everyone wants to love and be loved and make a difference with their lives.”

I believe that from a place of love we do and will make a difference with our lives, some on a small scale and others on a bigger scale. But the difference you make with even one person can have a long lasting and profound impact with every life they then touch. Don’t underestimate your power and the significance of what you do and how you live your life – with your friends, family co-workers, clients and community.

Lynne Twist wrote in The Soul of Money, “What became clear was that when people were able to align their money with their deepest, most soulful interests and commitments, [what they love] their relationship with money became a place where profound and lasting transformation could occur. Their money – no matter the amount – became the conduit for this change.”

First, I apologize for the time between posts. I have been busy and then went away on a fun vacation to Bermuda for a wonderful time relaxing in the sun.

I am back on the bandwagon and will try to post more regularly.

In honor of my mom and her birthday, I am going to share a little bit about her, (which she may or may not like). I am still trying to learn how much of my personal life to share on my blog. I may receive the request to pull this post but my mom is important to me and has helped me become who I am.

My mom is truly one of the greatest and most amazing women I know.

Every year I appreciate her and what she has accomplished and who she is more and more. My mom is the mother to 7 children. She maintained her sanity and patience and made being a mother to seven children look easy– and dare I say even fun.

She is so generous and smart and loving. She taught us what was truly important in life.

The happiness and success of her children are a tribute to her and my dad. I want to thank her for the countless things she has done and given to me and our whole family. The world is a much better place because of what she and her family have contributed in so many ways.

I know she could have been successful at WHATEVER she wanted. Lucky for me and my siblings, she wanted to be a full time mother.

My mom is beautiful – both inside and out.
I love and respect her more than words can say.