This is simple but not necessarily easy.

The first step is to schedule your time for you.

Decide how much time you want and how often. Then schedule it in your calendar and commit to it.

I have a friend who has a 2 year old and a 4 year old. She gets a few hours to herself every Friday. She says she lives for that time and just knowing she will have that time gives her something to look forward to.

I know the tendency is to use that time to run errands and take care of things without the children and maybe that will feel like “your” time but I would challenge you to also use some of that time purely on you and something that will make your heart sing. For other women it is waking up early and having time to workout or journal. It is different for different people.

It takes 30 days to create a habit.

I would like to challenge you to commit for the next 30 days that you will make time for yourself. See how you feel and if it is worthwhile to have this time for you.

What happened when you took time for yourself?

If you knew that not making time for you had a negative effect on your spouse and especially your children, would that help motivate you to make this time for yourself? Many abused women stay in an abusive relationship until it starts affecting their children. Then they are more motivated to get out. They don’t view themselves as “worth it” but saving or helping their child definitely is.

Taking time for yourself will give you MORE time and help you be more efficient and effective in your various life roles.

When I was studying for my Certified Financial Planning exam I felt like I should be studying with every free second I had. I was working full time and it just felt like there was way too much material to study in the time I had left.

I came to realize that trying to study all the time was not practical. After a certain point no more information would go into my head. But if I wasn’t studying I felt guilty and I could not enjoy what I was doing. I had to give myself permission and realize I needed to take breaks, workout and have time for my pleasure reading.

Taking time for me, helped me be more effective with the time when I was studying.

Giving myself permission to take breaks also allowed me to enjoy my time instead of having it be ruined or tainted by feeling guilty about not studying. I had to let that go. (The challenge for me was making sure I did get back to my studying and my breaks were only breaks.)

Don’t underestimate the power of having some down time for creative solutions, becoming more efficient and improving your attitude and over all happiness.

As with most things in life there is a balance and either extreme (all work and no play or all play and no work) is not beneficial.

Yes, this information is common sense yet, most of us don’t do it. So this posting is to help you understand the importance of making time for you and therefore make it happen.

I believe most of us know what we should or need to do yet we don’t do it. The question is, Why? What is the root cause that prevents you from doing what you say you want to do or that you know you “should” do? Knowing the answer to that will help make a difference.

Is it because you feel guilty if you do take time for you?

Is it because you don’t know what you would do with time for you?

First, you must shift your thinking to recognize that making time for you is a necessity.

Having time for you is not optional. How much time you need may be much different than someone else. We can go for a period without time for ourselves but it makes us unhappy and inefficient.

Eventually your mind and body will demand time which could be the cause for getting sick, a serious disease, or an accident. We are not designed to work for long periods of time without time for you. If you are happy and having your needs met, you can better help others and your joy and happiness will grow and it is also contagious.

Remember the advice they tell you on the plane. Always put your oxygen mask on first before you try to help others around you. Making time for you is taking care of yourself first and then you will better able to take care of those around you.

USA Today did a poll and asked if you had an extra hour each day, how would you spend it?
18% said they would spend it with family
17% said sleeping (I was surprised this number was not higher).
13% said reading books or magazines
7% chose exercise
5% chose praying or going to church

What would you spend an extra hour doing?

Many women I talk to say they would use that time to get “caught up.” I have news for you, you can never get caught up. There will always be more things to do on your to do list.

Many women also would not use this time for themselves. They would use the time to help or take care of others.

Women put others first. We are care takers.

As a life coach, the most common issue I see is women taking care of everyone else or pleasing others but not themselves. They put others needs first. A shift must occur to change this.

There was an e mail I have received several times on time management and filling a jar with rocks that comes to mind on this topic. Here is the link: http://www.thesignpost.org/rock-jar.html

All of us need to be clear and know what is most important to us and make that a priority. (It can be as simples as taking 15 minutes at the end of the day to read.)

What are your big rocks?

Does your schedule and how you spend your time reflect your big rocks?

You must put the big rocks in the jar first!

The objective of today’s post is to get you to examine and question how you think of money and what you believe about money.

Money is neither good nor bad. Rather it is our beliefs that lead us to view money as good or bad.

So, what is a belief and why is it important?

A belief is the acceptance of something that is true. All of us have beliefs that empower us as well as beliefs that limit us or hold us back. Most of our beliefs exist at the subconscious level. We learned them when we were very young, usually before the age of 5. They are so ingrained in us that we take for granted that they are true. They shape and filter how we see and feel about the world.

Becoming familiar with and questioning your beliefs around money is the first step to having a healthy relationship with money.

Unfortunately, establishing a healthy relationship with money is not something that is taught in our society.

The majority of us learns and makes up stories about money based on what we see and hear from our parents, friends and family at an early age.

Our money beliefs influence our behaviors and financial habits which then lead to the financial results we see in our everyday lives.

Some common limiting money beliefs are:
* Money is the root of all evil.
* Money doesn’t grow on trees.
* Money is hard to earn.
* It takes money to make money.
* A penny saved is a penny earned.
* You have to work hard to make money.
* Money is for other people.
* A fool and his money are soon parted.

Each of these beliefs can be analyzed and viewed with a positive or negative viewpoint. Most often beliefs, when taken to an extreme, are not beneficial.

What are some common money sayings that you use or believe? What comes into your head when you say,

“Money is…” Or

“Money is NOT…”

Most of us can recall a few influential money stories from our past. One of my money stories, for example, was that I lost my week of lunch money in the 5th grade. To this day I remember how much it upset my Mom. The lesson was that you MUST be careful and responsible with money. For me, the episode instilled a fear of losing money.

Do you know where your money stories come from?

What are the lessons you took away from your money stories?

What are the positive or negative aspects of these beliefs that you hold? I challenge you to choose a new empowering belief that will help you view money in a positive way. What are the behaviors and results that you would expect to see in someone that has this new empowering belief?

Some examples of empowering beliefs are:

* Earning lots of money is easy and fun.
* I have what it takes to be smart with my money.
* Money comes easily to me and I use it wisely.
* I am good enough to have what I want.

Can you come up with any negative results of having this belief and taking it to an extreme? For example, if you have to work hard to make money, this may appear positive on the surface but actually could lead to someone working all the time and believing this is required to have money and be successful. This is not always the case. There are people who work part time and make more than a million dollars a year.

Make a decision to have more money in your life.

What actions can you take to make that happen? What holds you back from having or believing you can have more money in your life? I challenge you to send me your financial obstacles or beliefs that are holding you back from having more money in your life so I can address them in future articles.

I truly believe we are meant to enjoy our life and help others. More money means financial independence and freedom to live the life we want.

Last week I was in a discussion with a small group of women about money. The conversation reiterated for me how HUGE an issue money is in most people’s lives.

Most of the women felt it is difficult not to worry about money (if not impossible) when you don’t have enough. Most of the group was struggling to make ends meet and do not currently have enough to pay all their bills each month (which is such a yucky feeling). Yet even they realize it is all relative. Do they have a home and food to put on the table? Yes. They realize I could be worse but it also doesn’t feel good worrying about going into more debt and not having any cushion if they or their husband were to lose their job.

All of the women were married and had children. Most felt that taking care of their finances was significantly easier and more manageable when it was just them and they did not have to consult with a significant other on finances.

Money is one of the number one reasons couples break up.

My theory is that couples argue about money so much because we each view it so differently. We each grew up learning unspoken (and therefore often unconscious) beliefs about money. These are deep rooted beliefs that are not openly discussed (because money and finances are private) and just assumed.

Opposites do attract and in most couples I work with, there is the spender and the saver. They do not understand where the other is coming from.

I used to be a pretty extreme saver. After my divorce and I was on my own, I became better at spending money on things I want and enjoy. I still save because that is a priority to me, but I also am more comfortable about spending what money I have.

With money, it is a balancing act of saving for the future but also enjoying the present.

As I said in the previous Savings post, not enough people are living within their means and saving for the future. We each have options on how we think and what we choose to pend our money on.

It should be taught that a certain percentage of your income is automatically set aside for the future and able to grow with the magic of compounding interest.

It is a simple concept to live with in your means but it is not always easy.

What gets in your way from being able to do this? What changes or different choices and actions can you take? I would love to hear about them.

I will never forget an exercise I did at my religious pre-marriage retreat. Each person in the couple marked off items that we considered “necessities.” I said that a washer and dryer were necessities. My husband-to-be did not agree.

Yes, I do realize I can technically live without a washer and dryer but to me, going to a Laundromat or hanging clothes was not an option. I would gladly make other sacrifices in order to have a washer and dryer.

My point here is that a “need” is a relative thing. Yes, technically, you only need food, water, clothing and shelter to survive. But some things in our life provide more joy and happiness than others and I truly believe we live our life to enjoy it.

No one can decide for you what a necessity is.

How you spend your money is a personal decision and only you know what is negotiable or not. This is important to keep in mind when talking with others and especially when talking with your financial planner.

I was working with clients who were spending more than they were making every month. The living expenses showed they were spending a significant amount of money on a housecleaner. The wife said the housecleaner is a necessity and said she would not be mentally stable if she did not have her housecleaner. For her, that expense was not negotiable, but she admitted there were other expenses on that list that were.

Knowing how and where you are spending your money is the first step.

A powerful exercise is to look back and see how you have been spending your money over the past six months or a year. You can make better decisions when you know the facts. Some people do not realize how much money they are spending on things that are not important to them.

I have a friend who got out of significant credit card debt in two years just by tracking how she was spending her money. It is similar in concept to keeping a food diary. Many of us don’t realize what or how we are spending (or eating). You want to be more conscious and deliberate in the choices you make with your money and finances.

Spend your money wisely on things you want, need and enjoy.

We all make choices and have options. I challenge you to make informed, smart decisions with regards to your money and think about what are the “needs” versus the “wants” versus the “waste” in your life.

I had several incidents on Thursday (April 30th) that I caused me to “get my panties in a wad.” I had a very challenging time trying to let them go and not let the feelings linger.

Several of the incidents involved money in some form.

I went to make reservations for a trip yesterday and the price had gone up more than $200 from the day before. If only I had booked it the day before when I had planned to! It was too late to go back but I kept agonizing over why I did not book it the day before and how I could have saved so much money. It is making me question if the trip is now worth all this extra money. I was so looking forward to and excited about the trip and now I am just dwelling on the negative and beating myself up over it.

How do you decide what is “worth it” money wise?

I know it is all relative and depends on your values, what is important to you, and your financial situation.

I am interested in learning how each of us makes these decisions and the process for how we choose to spend our money. I welcome your comments.